Q: My co-worker is in her mid-30s, has some health issues, isn't married, doesn't make much (we have the same kind of position, so I know), and is pregnant. She doesn't even care for her pets properly. But she wanted this baby so much — her emphasis — and wants everybody's good opinion on this. Not bad or different, just good.

Thing is, although I do like her and consider her a friend, I can't sign off on her pregnancy. I don't want to come off as sanctimonious or judgmental, but I've been avoiding her because I don't want to have to congratulate her on something I do not approve of (and neither does my religion).

What will I do when I see her around the office? She's been exclaiming over her pregnancy to anyone who will stand still and listen. I'm really tempted to fake an ailment when colleagues throw her a baby shower. I don't want to show any approval by giving a gift.

A: Who wants a "bad or different" opinion on a wanted pregnancy?

You consider her a friend. She deserves better than a faked ailment, even when the truth — "I find your pregnancy irresponsible and self-indulgent, but here's a Babies R Us gift card" — isn't appealing either.

So suck it up, and find other truths. For example: This baby is coming, whether you approve or not. And: When an insecure co-worker craves attention or approval, that's not the same as asking for your help, advice or guardianship.

And: A baby of a possibly irresponsible and self-indulgent mother is not only innocent of the mother's alleged crimes of judgment, but also can use all the "village" s/he can get.

While the mother's circumstances may seem predictive of a badly raised child, it's important to bring a high dose of humility to all such predictions. Just as ideally equipped parents can fail spectacularly at child-rearing, parents who barely seem to manage their own lives can produce some wonderful kids. From what you say, this child will be wanted and loved — a key element of the best start a baby can get.

Obviously, delusional longings aren't sufficient to nurture a child. I'm merely saying, to you, that once the baby's on board, hand-wringing and colleague-evasion become a bit precious.

Come out from behind the filing cabinets. Just use her truth, not yours: "You must be so excited — I know how much you want this baby." She is, and you do.

"Tell Me About It" by Carolyn Hax appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. E-mail your questions to tellme@washpost.com or fax 202-334-5669.